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Thursday, September 20th, 2001

Time:10:19 am.
This is sad as hell. The United States is only united because of these terrorist attacks. Before it should have been called the Divided States of America, because that is how we were. Everybody hated everybody else. We fought over religion, race, creed, and everything else that makes us different. But then along comes the attacks and everybody is crying and praying to God. Why didn't they ever cry when they hurt somebody close to them? I'm not saying I support these attacks but hell. They did unite America and God knows many people have tried to do that with no avail. So I think that when we catch the people responsible for this. I think we need to say "Thank you" right before we kill them or sentence them. It's because of them that we are standing tall as a nation right now. So whether you disagree with me or not. Think about it. It's true.

UNITED not the divided STATES. That should be my next tattoo. Get a picture of a flag in there too. Show my pride.

"We must repay, both good and bad: but why especially must it be to the one who did good or bad?"
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, September 12th, 2001

Time:12:50 am.
America. Planes. Osama bin Laden. World Trade Center. Pentagon. Camp David.

Delta. President. Terrorism. New York. Washington. Bloodshed. Day of Infamy.

America Flight. United Flight. FAA. Revenge. Hijackings. Pennsylvania. FBI. ATF.

News. Bush. Bastards. Death Toll. Injured. Questions. Security. Cell Phones.

Victims. Stunned Nation. Chaos. Destruction. Attacks. Muslims. Early Morning.

Explosions. Collapsing. Terror.
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Time:12:11 am.
Im on a plane, I can't complain.
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Thursday, August 30th, 2001

Subject:This is to you
Time:11:47 pm.
This is to you, because you have and shall always be here.
This is to you, because you listen to my every concern and fear.
This is to you, with whom I love with all of my heart.
This is to you, with whom I shall never be lost or apart.
This is to you, who brought meaning to my life.
This is to you, who will always be my wife.
This is to you, that I shall always cherish.
This is to you, that I shall be with when I perish.
This is to you, my Madonna who is holy.
This is to you, my first and my only
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Monday, August 27th, 2001

Time:3:21 am.
Life has smacked me on my ass
Death is watching my every glance
Happiness comes and is gone again
Depression lurks around every corner
Laughter hides inside it's hole
Crying is behind every eye
Bravery is holding open the door
Fear is fueling my paranoia
Sleep is trying to catch up
Insomnia is full of tricks
Freedom is enticing me
Enslavement is chasing me

"There is no happiness without tears; no life without death."
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Saturday, August 25th, 2001

Time:10:15 am.
1. A Perfect Circle
2. AC/DC
3. Acid Bath
4. Bare Naked Ladies
5. Beck
6. Bone Thugs N Harmony
7. Blink 182
8. Jimmy Buffett
9. Cake
10. Ugly Kid Joe
11. Godsmack
12. Creedence Clearwater Revival
13. The Cure
14. Harvey Danger
15. Dave Matthews Band
16, Digital Underground
17. Nirvana
18. DMX
19. Duke Nukem
20. Everlast
21. Emperor
22. Eric Clapton
23. Disturbed
24. Gorillaz
25. Rammstein
26. Green Day
27. ICP
28. INXS
29. Judas Priest
30. Kottonmouth Kings
31. Long Beach Dub Allstars
32. Megadeath
33. Steve Miller Band
35. Alanis Morissette
36. Mudvayne
37. Nelly
38. Nine Inch Nails
39. Papa Roach
40. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
41. Presidents of the United States of America
42. Tool
43. 2Pac
44. Slayer
45. Slipknot
46. Smashmouth
47. Billy Squier
48. Sublime
49. Sugar Ray
50. Led Zepplin
51. Drowning Pools
52. Thulium
53. 311
54. Taproot
55. Twiztid

This is a list of all of the bands I have in my CD collection. On most of these CD's I own about 2 on average. But these are only the ones that I have in my holder. I have many more lying around but I don't feel like trying to hunt them done. All I know is that I have close to 92 different CD's. I'm bored and I thought that you would all enjoy them. So enjoy.

"There is no happiness without tears; no life without death."
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, August 23rd, 2001

Time:1:07 am.
I know I'm boring and uninteresting. I also know that I can't write. People say I can but I know that I can't. I wish they would just be blunt. Be honest. Maybe I'm paranoid. Whenever I tell people something or write something and let them see it. I get scared. Scared of what they are going to say or think. I can't help it. Yet I want them to be honest. So please. Be honest. Tell me the truth. Ease my paranoia.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, August 21st, 2001

Subject:God is a Rock
Time:12:04 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
People are always using that damn, "Can God create a rock that even He can't lift?" What is that simple question going to do? Bring about the downfall of Christianity? People should think of fancy things and stuff. Not things about a rock. I mean why not ask questions like how can something that nobody can see, impregnate a woman? I know if my fiancee got pregnant by a "Holy" Ghost, I'd be raising hell. I'd be going to every hospital, college, and government agency getting that shit tested. And since God impregnated her shouldn't we be able to get the DNA from it? You bet your sweet ass that I'd be cloning a shitload of little God's then. I'd start my own little business. I'd be running ads in the paper and a whole bunch of other stuff. God for Sale. Get him while he's still powerful. Buy your own God and take him everywhere with you. If this doesn't make any sense then ignore it. But if it does then I should be a college professor.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:12:31 am.
A list of people that I would like to meet. No particular order and alive/dead.

1. Both Grandpas
2. Adolf Hitler
3. Vlad the Impaler
4. Nikola Tesla
5. Friedrich Nietzsche
6. Voltaire
7. Thomas Paine
8. Thomas Jefferson
9. Bloody Mary
10. Jack the Ripper
11. Maynard James Keenan
12. Kevin Smith
13. Charles Manson
14. Jesus
15. Gandhi
16. Buddha
17. Lord Edward Herbert
18. Salvador Dali
19. Edgar Allan Poe
20. The Man in the Iron Mask
21. Plato
22. Aristotle
23. Confucius
24. Charles Darwin
25. Jeffery Dahmer
26. Bradley Nowell
27. Ethan Allan
28. Oscar Wilde
29. William Shakespeare
30. Benjamin Franklin
31. Diogenes
33. Muhammad Ali
34. William Blake
35. Ambrose Bierce

I think that this is enough for now and if I think of anymore. I shall continue a new list another day.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, August 19th, 2001

Subject:Smacked by God
Time:3:47 am.
People are starting to get on my nerves. Especially my own self. I'm tired of the way I am. But I'm to lazy to change the way I am.

It's official, I now have a nervous twitch. It is starting to get annoying. I'm bored so I am just going to post a whole bunch of shit. I went to the state fair for the third time. It sucks. Nothing but a bunch of overall wearing, tobacco spitting hicks just walking around talkin bout tractors and shit. It's stupid. They have nothing of interest there anymore. But it is still something to do.

I need a job. I'm considering about working in a gas station. It'd be neat. But my luck is that it would get robbed or some shit. First night there and I'm told to hand over all of the money. I'm always getting smacked by god. I devoted 15 years of my life to him and he didn't do shit. But once I start doing my own thing for 3 years. He's taking all of his wrath out on me. It's fucked up.

A friend and I have decided to start our own rap group. Hell, we can sit around for bout 30 minutes just kickin it freestyle and shit. We can get some good fast rhymes going on. Besides we got some awesome ideals for the cd.

Other then all of this. I don't really have anything else to say. Just remember, "Death is still the number killer in America."
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, August 18th, 2001

Subject:The Insane Paintings of the Sane
Time:1:32 am.
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Friday, August 17th, 2001

Subject:Screaming Lambs
Time:1:18 am.
While driving home tonight, I started thinking and stuff. Problem is I can't recall anything I was thinking about. It pisses me off. I'll have this ingenious thought or poem or something all written in my mind and then I'll forget it. My mind is probably slowly erasing itself from some of the fucked up shit I'd do. I regret a lot of things. But back to what I was originally going to write about. While going around one corner I had a sort of vision or so. It was like one of those low budget black and white horror movies. It was neat and yet scary. I think someday I'm going to write a movie. I'd enjoy doing that. Besides, my mind is fucked up enough to make the story believable. I already have a story line for one movie. Using a budget of a couple millions of dollars, I plan to make a movie that last only 10 minutes. I would use the cheapest equipment around. All of the money would be spent on actors, commercials, and trailers. I'd claim that it is going to be the most adventurous action movie ever. The movie would start out showing a hero doing something heroish but then getting killed. Movie over. People bitch. I'd be happy. And if somebody came up to me and told me that they spent 10 dollars to see my crappy movie, I would be honest. I'd tell them that it only took 10 dollars to film. Maybe I'm mean. Or maybe I'm just cold hearted. But I enjoy putting people down. Especially people that aren't like me. Most people are like that, but I really really enjoy doing that. But back to my original train of thought. So after my vision of that corner I was going around. I started to like see stuff. It's like my eyes are purposely trying to fuck me up so I wreck. Talk about fucking paranoid. Worrying that my eyes are trying to kill me.
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Thursday, August 16th, 2001

Subject:Rats and Whatnots
Time:3:59 am.
We have fucking rodents in the attic or on the roof. Gray things with tails and sharp gnawing little teeth. They remind me of some people I know. Anyways. I just wanted you all to know about that,
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Subject:Rantings of the Insane
Time:12:28 am.
Mood: cynical.
I was just listening to the radio and heard a song by a group called afromen. It was about getting high. I'm sick of everybody singing about weed and shit. I'm even sicker of people only liking music because it contains something that has to do with weed. Fuck it annoys me listening to people go. "Yeah man, I got a new favorite group. They got a song where you can hear a bong being used. It's cool as fuck." Is that how people make decisions on whether music is good or not now? I'll admit that my favorite band sings about weed. But that isn't the reason I like them. It's their style and their beat that I enjoy. If people want to support the legalization of weed. That's cool. I do, but not by buying music. If people really want it to get legalized then they should fucking learn about it. Going around and saying, "Man, I love getting high. It's cool as fuck," is not going to get people to want to legalize it. Give them reasons. Not opinions. Maybe I ain't making any sense but it just annoys me seeing people only rebel in the music they listen to. Fuck Rebellion in Music if you aren't going to do anything outside of listening to it.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, August 15th, 2001

Time:2:57 am.
I wanna be trendy and full of pop
I wanna avoid the wrath of the culture cop
Watching MTV and staying real
Going on fear to seek a cheap thrill
Watching videos that only show tits
Being labeled a crappy buzz clip
Who's this weeks lil bitch now
shaking their ass with that slut j-lo
Screaming at the boy band hunks
While never showing the true punks
Saying it's ok to be short and skinny
wearing that size 2 gap mini
Fuck all black it's now in color
Wasting your money on cheap silk and fur
Nobody tries to be an individualist
ever since madonna being a materialist
Avoiding the fans to make that dollar
Calling up just to give a holler
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Tuesday, August 14th, 2001

Time:11:43 pm.
I sit hidden from view behind glass and plastic. I watch with interest as they describe their days. I listen to them joke, listen to them talk, and listen to them insult. They don't see or notice me. I have remained hidden from their view. I attempt to become a little more visible. I peek from my spot. No one notices me. They go on talking. I reveal a little bit more of myself. Only one notices me though. He attempts to start a conversation with me. I reject it. He knows nothing about me. So why must pretend I'm his best friend? Pretending is not what I'm looking for. Somebody who is straightforward and honest is what I'm seeking. Having no luck, I reveal a little bit more. This time I receive a few to question about me. I reject them also, because they are fake and pretending. They attempt to enthrall me. It doesn't work. I shall try again tomorrow.
I came back. Why, I'm not sure. But I have. I was enchanted with the way they speak, the way they act, and the way they are. I wish I could be like them, happy and carefree. But I know I can't. I was gifted with being able to see through them. It makes me mad. Why couldn't I have been blessed with ignorance? Why must I sit and watch them talk so carefree about the world? While they play and have fun. I must think and worry. I put aside all questions. I start to watch them again. So ignorant yet so interesting. They pick up from where they left off yesterday. I attempt to reveal all of myself today. It doesn't work. I can't do it. I receive a couple of comments. A person asks for me to join them. I shall try. But I can't. I don't know how to react with them the right way. I decide to leave before angry sits in. Why can't I just be accepted for who I am?
I attempted again today. I decide to try a new spot, to watch a new crowd. They act the same. They talk the same, joke the same, and insult the same. Same shit different people. I debate with myself about giving up. But I notice something different. Someone new. I attempt to converse with them. I notice how they try to test me. Trying to see if I'm the same as the others. They notice that I'm not. They decide to talk to me. I have finally met a person like me. I can now go on knowing that no matter what. I am not alone. And if you are wondering who that person is. It's you. Thank you.
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Monday, August 13th, 2001

Time:1:02 am.
I just received a letter from my best friend today. I miss him. He was the only friend I had. I would spend many a school nights at his house. It was my home away from home. We'd stay up all night just to play video games. We'd have so much fun. He was the only person that understood my thoughts and feelings. In his letter he wrote a lot of advice for me. I was told that you never know what you have until it is gone and that things you have everyday are more important then something you get only once in a while. I hate fucking reminiscing. It makes a person more depressed then they are. But I can't help to stop and think of the things we did. I was happy then. I need more friends.
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Sunday, August 12th, 2001

Time:1:38 am.
Mood: exhausted.
I can hear the sleep demons calling for me. Calling for my eyelids to close and my dreams to start. They start out as whispers, but they keep growing and growing. The cries get so loud I'm afraid that they'll wake up my parents. I try. Try to fight them off. But the demons are to strong. They drag me lower and lower into the abyss of sleep. I struggle. Struggle to find a grip. I frantically claw at the surface. Hoping that I'll be able to hold on. Praying that I shall overcome them. But I can grab no grip. My eyelids start to close. They start to fall faster and faster. I struggle to keep them open. But it's no use. I slip away into the land of Nod. Only to reawaken minutes later. I realize that it wasn't my time. That they made a mistake.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, August 11th, 2001

Time:12:33 am.
Mood: annoyed.
Today I seen a woman watering her lawn 5 minutes before it rained. It sort of made me think. Are we evolving upwards or downwards? And it worries me. With all of this technology it seems that we are getting lazier and stupider. It pisses me off. Why the fuck would somebody want a refrigerator that fucking can e-mail and tell you what you are getting low on? Is this how we want to be remembered by in the books? That we made a talking refrigerator. I mean with all of the shit we have. Why a refrigerator? We could find cures for cancers, cures for diseases, and help save people from million of other aliments. But no. We are inventing a talking refrigerator. I'm glad that I spend my money on something that I will never in a decade be able to afford. People worry me. They say we are getting smarter and stuff but are we really? To me it just seems that we are getting lazier and stupider. But I like to rant so who cares what I say or not.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, August 10th, 2001

Time:1:50 am.
Here is a description of my life. I wake up, I spend all day with my fiancee, chat, and go to sleep for a few hours. Sucks eh? All I really do is spend 3 dollars plus mo sales tax on life insurance. It comes in a little box. Sometimes red and white. Sometimes silver. It depends on what's cheaper and what I fill like. If you haven't figured it out I'm talking about cigarettes. I call it life insurance because it insures that I shall not live beyond the average life expectancy of the normal Caucasian male. I refuse to live to be old enough to have no hair, to be deaf and cannot take care of myself. If I can't take care of myself then I do not want to live. Just like if I have to be kept on a machine in order to live. I do not and shall not be kept alive on a fucking machine.
Comments: Add Your Own.

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